she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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