my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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