She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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