My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
