Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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