I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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