An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
