Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
