is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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