someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
