is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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