I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize