I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
