peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
