worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
