there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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