Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
