Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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