dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
