yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
