Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
