After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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