I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
