I wanna passion pit in your ass
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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