she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How does one acquire holy water?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
