i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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