I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
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the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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