Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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