that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Couch. On fire.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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