How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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