It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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