I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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