The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
