I want to stick my p in your. b.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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