I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
