I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have fence marks all over my body
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
