rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
