Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
