she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
