Will you blow on my dice?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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