OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
