guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
