so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
