My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
