Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
