I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
