I wish I could punch you in the face.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
