Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed