I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
