You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?