thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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