Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Life is so much better after having sex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
