there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
