Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
