And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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