My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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