Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
