I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
