Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
