He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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