i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
