dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
