I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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