im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize