He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
