all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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