Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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