sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
