So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
