I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
