I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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