fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
so much tequila, so little girl.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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