Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to calm my uterus...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
