If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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