Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
