Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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