I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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