I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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